On Getting Older and Belonging

In a few weeks I will be turning 25 years old. That’s an interesting number: it’s a quarter of a century, and it also feels like a pivotal moment in one’s life: the middle of one’s third decade, now closer to the beginning of the fourth decade than the end of the second decade. Instead of having a mid-life crisis, I decided to reflect a bit on the idea of getting older, but more importantly belonging.

People change as they get older. There’s no other way around it, it is what it is. And while changes can occur at all times in life, the most dramatic changes arguably occur during the adolescence and the first years of adulthood (I didn’t search for scientific evidence to back this up, but it sounds logic to me). I feel like we, as people, are very easily shaped in our early twenties.

It’s the end-ish of our formal education life and beginning of our work life. It’s the time where it all changes: the rhythm, the routines, the way of meeting friends - which before was casual, but now needs to be more planned -, the flexibility, the way of dressing up, the way of living - perhaps living alone or with a partner, but no longer in a student house -, so many changes. All seen as big steps in one’s life.

With all this changes, we ended up being moulded in a way or another. I, personally, moved to the Netherlands in my early twenties and now I’m reaching my mid-twenties. I think that living here for more than 4 years has shaped me more than I would have at first expected. But do I belong here? I’ve previously written about the feeling of abroad feeling like abroad. I wouldn’t say that the Netherlands feels like abroad anymore, it’s my home now. It is my home, even though it doesn’t always feel like I belong here.

What is belonging to a place? According to the dictionary, belonging somewhere is to feel a certain affinity to that place. But how do you feel that? I look at the Netherlands and think “I am still too Portuguese to fit here perfectly”. Similarly, I look back at Portugal and think “I have changed too much and don’t think I would want to live in Portugal”. The Dutch society and all my (also international) friends shaped me in many ways. This is probably something most other immigrants feel, it’s a strange feeling.

I’m also not really sure where I’m wanting to get at with this mumbling. I think the feeling of belonging is important, but the search for this feeling may take longer - and perhaps more intention - than what sometimes people think. Or maybe I’m just thinking about this because I’m now reading a book about the Japanese concept of ikigai (生き甲斐). Maybe that’s what’s driving me to write about it, but it’s definitely not the first time that I think about it.

I think I want to feel that I belong more, but I’m not exactly sure how to do that. Not sure about what is missing. I guess this is something for me to discover. This may have perhaps gotten too introspective, so I’m sorry if it wasn’t the right post for you. But if you’re someone in a similar position, I would love to hear your thoughts. How has your new country changed you? How do you still feel in regards to your home land? Could you see yourself moving there now? Even if you’re not: how do you think you’d think about this things if it were you?