Fragments

In August, I’m supposed to start a new adventure: I’ve been applying for a few Universities to do my Masters degree in Computer Science somewhere else other than in Portugal. I’ve received some rejections and some acceptances and I’m tempted to choose studying the next two years at TU Eindhoven. However, Covid-19 has just put me in a position where I’d never thought to be.

First of all, I’m feeling that I’ll never return to Lisbon which, I know, is childish. But that’s a feeling I’ve had since the moment I left the apartment where I’m living in Lisbon. Secondly, we don’t know what’s going to happen: is the exam season going to be delayed? Are we having more exams to compensate the professors that didn’t find an alternative evaluation method? I’m pretty sure I’m not going to have any more physical classes until the end of the semester so that’s not what worries me most.

Other than that, looking at Netherland’s strategy to fight this new virus, I don’t agree with it (group immunity… hundreds of people are dying there and there are barely anyone recovered) which may be showcasing how bad their healthcare system is? I don’t know because, obviously, I’m not there.

I don’t know… I just feel I should not go. Let’s wait and see what happens and if my mind changes or settles in some solid idea.

A few days ago, on the 30th of November, I gave my first talk at BarcampLX, which is a really nice and open event you can go to and present! If you’re interested, you can read more about the concept. Here’s the slides deck and the video.

Estou a dormir. Ponto. Eu sei que estou a dormir. Sim, eu sei que mais tarde vou ter que me levantar. Não. Não és tu que dizes que eu devo ser. Não és tu que mandas nas minhas ações. Tu não és eu. Sim. Sou eu que mando em mim. Sou eu que ordeno e comando as minhas ações. Não tenho a certeza. Talvez… Tudo é incerto. Será que não sou eu quem manda nas minhas ações? Talvez sejas tu. Não sei. Com tantas incertezas que existem, como saberei quem manda em mim? Simplesmente não saberei. Ninguém sabe muitas das verdades escondidas, verdades secretas e incógnitas nunca antes pensadas e descobertas.

I was there. I turn my head to the left and I see a bullet coming in my direction. The clock stops. I stop. I see myself doing nothing. I see my whole life running throughout my brain. I realize that I haven’t done what I should have done. My whole life was a wire, an intermittent wire which is going to eventually break up. I see my children, I see all of the people I love. The time starts counting. The bullet reaches my heart and the wire breaks up. My soul stays a little bit more connected to my body, but it’s just for a few seconds. There isn’t one wire now. There are two: the one we left in the Earth and the one which handles our memories.

Death. It’s the most heard word in the last days. Crime. And they say it was orders from their God. Who’s the God? Just someone telling them to kill, to suffocate the people until they die. Why are You doing this? Why is this God telling them to kill this people? Innocents. They didn’t do anything. They were people. Just like you, just like me. They were in the wrong place. At the wrong time. Why there? Why them? Was it the fate? Why? Just asking, I don’t know the answers. Should we know them? No one knows. We’re living and dying at the same time. They know they would die. But not this way, not this moment. They were screaming inside. Inside their minds. I wish it hadn’t happened. I’m crying. Why? Why if it has nothing to do with me. They’re people. It could be with me, it could be with you, it could be with the people you love. The world is unfair. Were just like atoms, living in an uncertain state.

Do you know? Today is the Pi Day 2015. Below there is a small video I made about this marvelous day. I hope you enjoy :)